Try and break into Joe Weston-Webb’s flooring firm at your own peril.

Following an arson attack at his Nottinghamshire-based premises in February, which wreaked £2,000 worth of damage, the 70-year-old entrepreneur decided he wouldn’t get mad, he’d get even.

The founder of Grumpy Joe’s Flooring laid a set of booby traps for unsuspecting intruders, including a 30ft catapult loaded with chicken droppings, a human-sized catapult (a remnant from Weston-Webb’s former career as a travelling showman) and an exploding coffin (which only actually activates if you happen to climb into it).

He’s also erected a sign that’s bound to give impostors the heebie-jeebies: “Warning: These premises are protected by smart-poo and railway sleeper projectiles.”

Well, it sure beats CCTV cameras.

How do you fortify the defences of your business? Post your comments here.